Friday, September 3, 2010

Day 5 - August 6th 2010

It's Friday Baby!

Today was an emotional day! I got my feelings hurt today and for a couple of minutes thought I was ready to give up. I was upset and just wanted to go eat. But after I vented to the camcorder I calmed down and came back to my senses. This is the first time ever that I didn't' chase my emotions down with food. Thank God for the camera and to some wonderful people for backing and supporting me! If not for Mel and Fawn and their Faith and belief in me, I probably would have given up today. It does my soul good to know that there are people who really care about me and care about what happens to me. It is their encouragement that keeps me going. i refuse to give up on myself and I know that now people are counting on me and I can't let them down. So yea Caden has his meet the teacher today and when the other parents started coming in there I just wanted to hid under a table. There were some moms there that were pretty and thin and I felt like I didn't even want to look at them and I didn't want to draw attention to myself. The it dawned on me, maybe that is why my child is so shy, maybe its because of me. Maybe he watches the way that I am around people and he is just mimicking my behavior. Oh no! So I have decisions to make that are difficult and I just want to take me and the kids to a day when there is peace and love and stillness. I realize now that people in America are addicted to food like alcoholics are addicted to alcohol. It is a real struggle and an epidemic that is killing people. When I lay down at night I feel how hard my heart is pumping and working to do its job and it scares me. If you really knew me you would know that I have to do this because I believe it is about life and death. If I don't do this I would be cheating my children and cheating myself and cheating all of the people God has lined up for me to minister to and help. I also value the relationship I have developed with Fawn and never want to hurt her. So I made it through 5 days! Thank you Jesus! Audra

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