I finished out yesterday as planned and had an overall great day. It is day 2 and today has been a doozie so far. I played with Hannah for a bit and then went for a 30 minute fast walk, which was supposed to be this pm workout but Hannah woke up and that's what I got to do. So tonight I am doing what I was supposed to be and my am workout. While I was cleaning up and doing laundry those cravings came on again and I started to think that maybe I can't do it and why do these people believe in me? I just had to pray and tell God how I was feeling and ask for him to give me peace and strength to fight temptation. I pushed through it and kept myself busy.
I was thinking earlier that sometimes I just don't get why it is so hard to ear right and make the right choices. But that is exactly it-it's all about the choices. I have found myself being very vulnerable and open and sharing things that are private that I would have never thought I would. It is for the good of others. To give others a voice that won't speak up. to encourage others to take a stand to make a difference in their life! I want to help anybody and everybody that i can but first I am getting the help that I need so I can be an encouragement to others. I f you are reading this and you are wanting to help someone you i know who needs to lose weight and get in shape please remember not to criticize but instead be positive and lift that person up. One thing that really hurt me was when someone had said, "well, Audra used to be a cute girl and all, well you know before she gained her weight." That scarred me, I mean it really hurt. I have forgiven the person and it doesn't matter who said it. I do not think that they meant it in a bad way but it cut me pretty deep. They say to forgive and forget but I don't think I can forget that, but I will use it for the good. I will use the experience as a reminder to be careful with my words and the things that I say so that I do not hurt people that way. Being overweight does not change who the person is. It just changes the outside appearance. As critical and blindsighted I have been about my own appearance, I don't see others the way I see myself. I don't look at big people like me or even people bigger than me and think things about their weight or see them the way I see myself. For some reason I see them for who they are, the REAL them. If you have ever judged someone for being overweight, it's ok you can change the way you think now. Just be careful that in any situation you don't judge because you don't know where people are coming from or what they have been through, you just don't know, you might be entertaining angels unaware. Just some thoughts...Love and peace to everyone...Audra